Cheryl R. Kronenberg
As women, we seem to think that the best way to influence our partners is either by nagging, yelling or shutting down when we feel he is ignoring us. The problem, though, is that most often than not we expect men to read our minds and understand what we want from them. Unfortunately, that is the path that will lead to certain death for any relationship for the simple reason that men are so different in how they process feelings and emotions.
For example, a woman wants to talk about her problems whereas men tend to become introverted and like to figure out their problems on their own. For a man to talk to someone about his problems, it usually means that he is asking for advice or a solution, which is why when women share their problems men tend to offer solutions. The thing is that when we are airing our grievances we usually don’t want to hear a solution, we just want to be heard, understood and held. We want someone to empathize with us.
However, men simply don’t know how to empathize because it isn’t part of their makeup. When guys are talking about their problems to each other, it is a sign that they are asking for advice for a solution because they certainly aren’t asking for an understanding “Hmmm” and a hug, as we women expect. So, of course, when he starts offering a solution we get all upset that he doesn’t understand what we want without actually realizing that he simply doesn’t know.
On the other hand, women have a powerful “weapon”, if it can be called that, to influence men. It lies in our vulnerability. By opening your heart up and expressing your true feelings you will be surprised at the results.
You shouldn’t mistake vulnerability as a weakness because allowing yourself to be vulnerable means that you are strong enough to accept the fact that you might get hurt if you open yourself up. In fact, by allowing yourself to be vulnerable and express a full range of emotions, you will be looking after yourself more because you will be telling him exactly what you want and what you need.
You see, there are few things that make a man happier than knowing that he can make his woman feel good when she is upset. Generally he wants to do everything in his power to make her feel better. If you can learn to genuinely express your feelings to him rather than rattle off a list of problems, you will find that he will become much more receptive to fulfilling your core needs.
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