Saturday, November 22, 2014

What Do Men Adore About Women? (Pt. 2)

Men are goal driven and feel good about themselves when they manage to achieve their aspirations because it proves that they are worthy and competent. If they achieve goals on their own terms, it is further testament to their power and strength.

Because men are hardwired to solve problems in their own way, they rarely talk about them. When they do, it means they need advice and help.

If women can understand this side of men, then they will understand why men hate being corrected or advised without asking for it. It makes them feel incompetent and that you don’t trust them to solve the problem. However, this does not mean tiptoeing around men to avoid hurting their egos.  It means using your femininity to impact positively on their actions.  They want to win. And letting them guide you to their needs will get you all there.

This is also why men tend to offer solutions when women talk to them about their problems. It is because if another man were to share his problems, it is an unspoken request for help. So they feel honored to provide a solution.  Early in the relationship, you all can establish when you are merely sharing frustrations as opposed to seeking advice.  By letting him know the difference, he can shut off his decision-making monitor when you merely want to get things off of your chest.  Since women and men are wired differently in their communication styles as well as emotional needs, to coexist effectively, it is important to address the 800 pound gorilla in the room when necessary.

The strategy for being more adorable to men is to get your needs met through their self-interest.  If men want to be a successful, responsible and accountable, you should cultivate and support these traits when possible. In a patriarchal society, men define themselves by what they achieve as well as their performance. Don’t try to rewire their system, use the system to your benefit.

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