Tuesday, November 25, 2014

The Secret Power of Women: Unleashing Your Feminine Energy

picture for about us
Febury Hassan is a relationship and personal development expert with 12 years of professional coaching and motivational speaking experience. She has spoken at United Way, Norfolk Southern and Wells Fargo about women empowering themselves. She is the founder of Related Bliss a personal development company founded in the belief...That every relationship we are having is a reflection of the relationship we are having with ourselves. In today’s questions and answers (Q&A), Febury discusses how women can use their feminine energy to attract their ideal mate.

Q:  You have been labeled a relationship guru. What is your background and experience in this area?

Febury:  I wouldn't call myself a "guru"...(LOL). However, I would say that I have a unique and interesting take on intimate relationships in today’s environment. I believe that every relationship we are having is a reflection of the relationship we are having with ourselves. And what’s going on inside of us is an excellent barometer to our current thinking.

For the record, I am a graduate of Landmark Education and studied psychology at Georgia State University. Also, I am an author and workshop facilitator as well as an avid reader of all things relationship and human experience oriented.

Q: When and how did you determine that black women exhibiting masculine energy had an affect on black male-female relationships? 

Febury: I began noticing this phenomenon about 10-15 years ago within male-female conversations and interactions. I observed a lot of negativity and competition between the sexes, which interested me to research and discover the root causes of this behavior. I found that the negative energy women were carrying prevented them from connecting and having loving relationships with men. Many women don't realize that their strength lies in assuming more femininity, not adopting masculine energy. What may work in the boardroom may not be as effective in the living room. 

Q: How have women responded to your concept and analysis?

Febury: Both women and men respond very well. As a student of the feminine energy concept myself, I present all of my information in a very open and non-threatening manner. One aspect of feminine energy is compassion and understanding.  Feminine energy creates a space that is safe for healing and learning to occur. For me, understanding the power of feminine energy means I know how to create a safe place. I encourage women to create this space when dealing with men as a means of, not only relaxing the man, but allowing them to realize all of their womanliness. When they’ve had to survive on their own, they may have adopted excessive masculine energy along the way.

Q: What signs or evidence have you seen that suggest that black women are open and available to your recommendations?

Febury: Well, what has been redemptive for many women is the ability to become aware, address challenges head on and release masculine energy within my workshops. Sometimes, we are too close to a situation to see other options. In these forums, women aren’t being judged. They are allowed to vent their frustrations and adopt the tools we discuss to be able to enjoy more fulfilling relationships with men. More importantly, I know women are open because they are asking for a change.

Q: What can black men do to assist in the transformational process, since a case can be made that they may have some culpability? 

Febury: We are two sides of the same coin: two peas in a pod. Black men must be aware that as we are willing to accept our role as women, they too must accept theirs as men. That means being present to our change and transformation. For women, learning to live more in the feminine space means being open to vulnerability, which can be a very scary place to be. It will be his responsibility to make her feel safe. Love and security are synonymous for a woman. Too whom much is given, much is required. If black men desire softer, more receptive women, they have to create a space that is safe for women to be women. Many women have not taken on more masculine energy, because they WANTED it. Many of them felt they had no other choice. Women will gladly lay their masculine burdens down when they no longer feel alone in having to do everything themselves.

Q: Do you have any final thoughts? 

Febury: I love this work. I use the word “work” loosely. I love women and know that when women are happy the world around them is happy. This is just a step. A step to get us a bit more balanced. We truly do desire healthy and happy relationships. And I feel I have one avenue to help us get there.

For more information on Febury’s upcoming workshops, visit Feburyhassan.com

Saturday, November 22, 2014

What Do Men Adore About Women? (Pt. 2)

Men are goal driven and feel good about themselves when they manage to achieve their aspirations because it proves that they are worthy and competent. If they achieve goals on their own terms, it is further testament to their power and strength.

Because men are hardwired to solve problems in their own way, they rarely talk about them. When they do, it means they need advice and help.

If women can understand this side of men, then they will understand why men hate being corrected or advised without asking for it. It makes them feel incompetent and that you don’t trust them to solve the problem. However, this does not mean tiptoeing around men to avoid hurting their egos.  It means using your femininity to impact positively on their actions.  They want to win. And letting them guide you to their needs will get you all there.

This is also why men tend to offer solutions when women talk to them about their problems. It is because if another man were to share his problems, it is an unspoken request for help. So they feel honored to provide a solution.  Early in the relationship, you all can establish when you are merely sharing frustrations as opposed to seeking advice.  By letting him know the difference, he can shut off his decision-making monitor when you merely want to get things off of your chest.  Since women and men are wired differently in their communication styles as well as emotional needs, to coexist effectively, it is important to address the 800 pound gorilla in the room when necessary.

The strategy for being more adorable to men is to get your needs met through their self-interest.  If men want to be a successful, responsible and accountable, you should cultivate and support these traits when possible. In a patriarchal society, men define themselves by what they achieve as well as their performance. Don’t try to rewire their system, use the system to your benefit.

For more information for becoming more engaging in online dating, visit: http://enchantressonlinedatinginstitute.com/

Wednesday, November 19, 2014

What Do Men Adore About Women? (Pt. 1)

If you asked most women today what type of woman men adore and couldn’t live without, they would probably answer that she would have to be an Angela Bassett or Halle Berry Type.  While these types of women would definitely attract a lot of attention, they aren’t necessarily the type of women men adore.

Now ladies, that's really good news for most of you!

You see, while men are visual creatures and that first attraction is sparked from looks, you would be surprised to discover what many men find engaging about women.

For example, a team of sociologists conducted a study, trying to understand if there was a common denominator that men found attractive in women; that one thing that would get any guy to want to go over and strike up a conversation. You would never guess the results. No, it wasn’t her breasts, her legs or her butt. In fact, it wasn’t any body part below her chin and it wasn’t her features, either. 

It was her smile. The majority of men stated that they found nothing as attractive as a woman’s smile. 

Just imagine, how much more engaging and loving you could be if you smiled more. Now, it isn’t recommended that you smile at every man you see. But, just think how you might find your Mr. Right, if you only smiled more, appeared nicer and carried an air of pleasantness.  Don’t be surprised if men walk up to you and say, “I hope this doesn’t sound like a line, but there’s something pleasant and unique about your energy.” In this instance, they will actually mean it.

For more information on attracting your ideal man, visit: http://enchantressonlinedatinginstitute.com/

Tuesday, November 18, 2014

How Matches Are Made In Online Dating Sites

Online dating opens up possibilities for meeting people and building relationships as well as  getting married.  Once you have signed up for a dating service and uploaded your dating profile into the site, the dating site comes up with different possible matches.   

Online dating sites often advertise their success rates. But how do they determine your possible matches?  They do not just pick out random people and put them in similar categories. Generally, they ask users to answer different questions as a way of aligning them with prospective dates.  

Some experts say that test based sites deliver better results compared to other online dating sites. Test based dating sites are able to factor-in values, behavior, and other psychological aspects when matching users. Free online dating sites match people based on their age, location and other factors, which are provided when building the user’s profile. The user then makes a choice based on what he or she has seen on the dating profile of possible matches.  

On other sites, users state which attributes are important to them. These dating sites rank their choices and each user is given a corresponding score.  The accumulated score helps the site administrator determine which matches may interest the user. Other sites make it more complicated. They use surveys and mathematical algorithms to search for matches. These algorithms are able to “predict” compatibility and if a relationship is possible.

Creating your user profile is very important to Internet sites. Physical attributes like height, weight, and body type are usually the things that people look for in  their possible matches.  Interests and activities, even political and religious beliefs, are factors when searching for dates. In some cultures, online dating sites are not used at all for finding love matches.  These cultures prefer having social conversations rather than dates.  

Online daters are always reminded to be cautious with the personal identification information that they put in their dating profiles, like address, home phone number, full name and employer, and especially a social security number. 

Online dating sites consider different factors when sending possible matches to users.  For example, men are said to be prefer a larger selection of matches belonging in a specific type.  They are also more visually oriented which is why they would prefer responding to women who have attractive photos.  Women, on the other hand, prefer to have “super matches” sent to them.  These “super matches” are supposed to be perfect matches based on all the attributes listed by women.  

Each dating site uses different metrics and factors for matching users. However, in the end, romantic connections are still determined by the chemistry and connection of the individuals once they meet face-to-face.

For more tips on attracting your ideal man, visit: http://enchantressonlinedatinginstitute.com/

Monday, November 17, 2014

Online Dating Etiquette

More and more people are becoming interested in online dating. It is one of the fastest growing services offered on the Internet.  As of 2014, the industry has reached a financial growth of $2 billion, according to Fiscal Times (Yoder, 2014).  Emerging as one of the major influences in building relationships, online dating has social manners different from “regular” or “traditional” dating customs. 

Conducting yourself properly while communicating online will earn you good friends and even the love of your life.  But what are these online dating manners?

• Honesty is important. Truthfully answer the questions asked by the site administrator when setting up your dating profile.  Don’t makeup things about yourself. What if you met a person online that could possibly lead into a relationship? They would surely learn about the things you’ve made up.

• Online dating allows you to connect with other people by sending emails.  The main problem is when nobody responds to those emails. Is it okay to send messages to several people at once?  YES, it is okay.  According to surveys, in every three to five messages sent, you will be assured of one response.  

• When sending replies, make sure that they are personalized and not a standard letter you send to everybody.  Even if you have too much on your plate, respond appropriately.  After all, you are dealing with people who have real emotions.

• Avoid asking personal questions, like employment or personal address, especially if it is the first time you have corresponded online. If someone persists in asking you about this information, you could always say that you do not share personal information with people you’ve just met.

• Don’t be pushy.  Let things take its natural course. In short, take it slowly.  Give your friendship enough time to develop.  Do not force or attempt to pressure someone into inviting you out.  If he likes you, he will ask you for a date.

• When meeting face to face, for the first time, follow the safety and security rules.  For example, meet in a public place.  To protect your privacy, it is better to drive yourself to the meeting place rather than picking up or dropping off your date.

• If you and your date feel that there seems to be no sparks, then it is okay to gradually stop communicating or fade away.  But if one party contacts the other, always acknowledge the person and explain that there seems to be something missing from the dates and say that you all are not a good match.  Always say thank you for the opportunity.

• If you are already dating someone you’ve met online, then take your dating profile down or hide it.  If your dating profile is viewable, there is a presumption that you are available and open to dating.  Respect the objective of the dating forum, when you become involved in a relationship, by not presenting yourself as available.

• Breaking up online is another issue. Online dating experts recommend that for those people who have only met the person once or twice, you could break up the relationship or dating through email or text.  However, if you have been going out on dates more than that, then you should talk face-to-face, if you are comfortable.  Otherwise, a phone call is sufficient to avoid any unnecessary confrontations. 

For more information for online dating tips, visit: http://enchantressonlinedatinginstitute.com/


Yoder, S. (2014 Feb. 14). How online dating became a $2 billion industry. The Fiscal Times. Retrieved from: http://www.thefiscaltimes.com/Articles/2014/02/14/Valentines-Day-2014-How-Online-Dating-Became-2-Billion-Industry