Wednesday, October 29, 2014

Fantasy is Better Than Reality: Why Being Emotionally Available is Essential for Online Dating

Edward Brown. M.S.

The online dating space can be extremely brutal. After all, isn’t fantasy often better than reality? Don’t people often look better on paper or film than in real life? After years of being a mother or wife, you may find yourself entering the “Land of Singleness” as an empty nester or divorcee. 

So, your girlfriend recommends that you try online dating. She’s met some nice guys and believes that you may have similar experiences. But she’s been single for a long time and has adapted to the ups and downs of dating. However, you haven’t. This is all new to you. To be mentally and emotionally prepared requires a “Boot Camp” for enjoyable Internet dating experiences.

Here are a few suggestions for becoming emotionally available for online dating.

Embrace how technology has changed social relationships.  Online dating levels the playing field for men and women to pursue romantic relationships with similar assertiveness.  The difference between online dating and traditional dating is that online dating presents a 4-step process compared to the traditional 2-step process. The Traditional dating process involves, a.) Two people meeting in a common place or through formal introductions, and b.) The personal connection starts during the initial meeting. With online dating, the process is: a.) Each party searches for attractive prospects on a dating website, which creates a fantasy of visual and textual forms, b.) A correspondence and conversation take place where the beginning of reality is formed, c.) Two people meet for the opportunity to personalize the experience, and d.) A personal connection begins to solidify over time. In a society steeped in immediate gratification, the longer online dating process can be off-putting. By understanding and embracing this new dating process compared to the traditional mode of dating, you can remain open and optimistic to dating prospects.

There is no “skin in the game” until emotions are cultivated. If you’re looking for a long-term relationship, be aware that online dating is dispassionate until the process gets to personal connections. Many women become turned-off by the process early, because they often operate from the traditional 2-step process of a random meeting turning into a personal connection. The Internet dating environment is devoid of magnanimity and altruism. This notion may appear contrary to an environment geared to love and romantic connections. But the technological component propels this initial coldness. To be successful in online dating, accept its dispassionate nature as a protective device due to the easy accessibility of meeting random people.  The best protection against this accessibility is a strong emotional shell. In this respect, you get an opportunity to effectively evaluate dating prospects in ways that traditional dating does not allow. Do not make any emotional investments into online dating, until you have reached the personal connection level.

Online dating is merely an opportunity for introductions. Online dating is a means for sparking initial interest that may lead to a substantial relationship. If online dating has any magic, it’s the ability to create something out of nothing. In your daily activities, you may be approached by 5 different men from work to lunch to home. In Internet dating, you may be approached by hundreds of men in the course of a day through your computer. Some women have found this Tsunami of online male interest overwhelming. Although the numbers can be daunting, this is the first time in human history that men and women have had this much access to one another.  At the end of the day, the democratization of the Internet allows you to participate at the level that you desire. Use this power to your advantage.

For single women over 40, you may have spent a great deal of your lives rearing children or maintaining a marriage.  Internet dating is an opportunity for a newfound freedom as well as regaining your youthful vitality. Despite the challenges of finding Mr. Right in a sea of possibilities, it’s the first time in human history that women have had this amount of social power in conjunction with financial and education self-determination. In the end, the benefits far outweigh the liabilities. Exploit this revolutionary opportunity and make it your own.

For more information for improving your online dating experiences, visit:

Edward Brown, M.S. is a researcher and content marketer who has built an Internet information empire by helping individuals gain power, influence and love on the Internet.

Brown has advanced legal education from the University of Dayton School of Law and a master's degree in leadership development from Mercer University.

His company published Nicky T. Bond's book, Why My Pussycat Doesn't Purr: How Love Got Harder, When Sex Got Easier on Amazon Kindle.   

No comments:

Post a Comment