Sunday, October 19, 2014

Dating Tips: Why a Woman Thinking Like a Man Won’t Get Her a Man




Randall J. Robinson of Women Dating Black Men Online provides questions and answers about how women can attract men for long term relationships.


Q: This is going to be interesting. You said that the movie, “How to Think Like a Man” did more harm than good for women. How so?


Robinson: Steve Harvey’s book, “Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man…” attempted to give women a blueprint into the inner workings of men. Harvey’s book as well as “The Rules…,” that came out some years ago, tend to place human nature in a box. People are as much art work as science.  Once a man determines a woman is playing a game or following a playbook, she’s doomed. These books that become movies are great “water cooler” conversations, but they don’t enable women to get what they really want.



Q: How would you describe "The Game" between men and women?


Robinson: The game for both men and women is to get as much value from relationships without getting hurt. From a humanistic perspective, this is natural. With venereal diseases rampant, lying, cheating, and less optimism between men and women, the social environment is more of a minefield than a field of lilies.


Q: From your research, when did things change?


Robinson: Fundamentally, things changed when men and women decided to find love and companionship on their own. Once upon a time, women would leave their father’s house to join her husband’s. Each family knew all the members of the other family and marriages were “arranged.” It wasn’t about love, it was about business. No one was trying to find their “Soul Mate.” If there was any love, it grew organically between husband and wife. As society progressed from the Agrarian Age to the Industrial Age, the need for big families to operate farms decreased. Consequently, the need for “arranged” marriages declined and society started rethinking the concept of marriage. The more power women received through education, finances and self-determination, the less they were relegated to being “property.” This was a huge turning point between men and women interpersonal relations.


Q: What does all this have to do with dating?


Robinson: If you change the status quo, you change social dynamism. In other words, the price for women becoming independent was the disruption of a social structure that enabled men to control relationships and marriages. The more women became upwardly mobile through education and employment, it changed gender roles and the social structure. Undoubtedly, this has been a boon for women, although the price has been enormous. Books and movies like “Think Like a Man,” do not stress the value a woman can impart to a man, they stress how much power women can wield over men.  In the movie, “Think Like a Man,” the women didn’t win the affection of their men because of Harvey’s book, they won affection by demonstrating value.


Q: Speak more about the female characters demonstrating value. What is value?


Robinson: “Value” in this context is the ability of a woman to elevate a man towards personal and professional excellence in ways he would not have progressed on his own.  In the movie, each male character realized a greater love for the woman by becoming a better man by the woman’s contribution. Harvey’s suggestions allow women to attempt to control relationships through withholding or controlling sex. However, as long as sex can be purchased, no one woman can control the sexual habits of a man.


Q: Are relationship books that attempt to empower women bad?


Robinson: Of course not. This isn’t about depriving women of warm, loving relationships. This is about truly breaking down the barriers between men and women to create synergy. If men and women knew exactly what they wanted, communicated it to the other person and did not feel victimized when things went awry, each party could maintain its own power. In any interaction, men and women are merely sharing power from the interdependence they both bring to the relationship.


Q: So, was there any takeaways from the movie, “Think Like a Man?


Robinson: Yes, 1. Women should have reasonable expectations and be clear about what they want from men, 2. Women should maintain standards and allow relationships to progress naturally and organically, and 3. Women should ensure that all critical decisions be made with the logical and emotional sides of the brain operating in conjunction with each other. If men and women act in their self-interest, creating an alliance based on mutual benefits, both parties can get what they want in the long run.

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