Monday, October 27, 2014

Are You Getting the Most Out of Your Dating Conversations?

 Edward Brown, M.S.

The biggest challenge facing black dating today is starting and maintaining open lines of communication. Black men and women are just not talking to each other. And any communication is superficial at best. So, what seems to be the problem?  In a nutshell, it’s the feeling that candor and honest communication may be off-putting to the other party. That if you fully express yourself, you will be judged and summarily ruled out for any physical and emotional connections. 

So, how can candid and open lines of communication bridge the gap between black men and women?

Here are a few tips for starting the process.

1.   Show genuine interest by asking relevant questions. Relevant questions serve as  a backdrop for getting better acquainted. Effective dialogue should be like a slow tennis match where both parties are spending time serving and responding to questions and answers. No one party should dominate the conversation despite the strengths of the personalities. If the other person only responds, but never initiates questions, a dialogue is not taking place. Sharing wants, desires and aspirations are the initial part of verbal intimacy.

2.   Ask and answer specific questions. If you ask the person if they are emotionally available for relationships, and you receive the response, “It depends on the person.” You have not received an answer. The person is either emotionally available or not at this time. Don’t take nonresponsiveness lightly. Some questions may be sensitive, but questions dealing with one’s relationship objectives are not irrelevant. If you find a person dodging or not answering reasonable questions, assume that this line of questioning is a source of discomfort to the person. You can decide to revisit the question at another time, but don’t let it go unresolved, if it’s important to you.

3.   After the conversation, reflect and analyze what you heard.  Getting your needs met starts with a conversation.  It has been said that you don’t get out of life what you deserve; you get out of life what you command. Approach every conversation with optimism, congeniality and directness. You are collecting information to see if there is a “fit.” Leave the emotions of past frustrations and disappointments out of the conversation. This is an opportunity to see if this person is willing to fulfill your emotional needs.

Candid dialogue and open lines of communication allow for close connections as well as a selection process for finding the ideal person to meet your emotional and physical needs. Take the opportunity to use conversations to get to the bottom line---in a nice way. Within 10 minutes, you can determine if this person has enough character to build a relationship upon.

Edward Brown, M.S. is a researcher and content marketer who has built an Internet information empire by helping individuals gain power, influence and love on the Internet.

Brown has advanced legal education from the University of Dayton School of Law and a master's degree in leadership development from Mercer University.

His company published Nicky T. Bond's book, Why My Pussycat Doesn't Purr: How Love Got Harder, When Sex Got Easier on Amazon Kindle.  

For more information on improving your online dating success, visit:

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